Did you know that October is Domestic Violence Awareness month? Domestic Violence is a serious issue, especially during the COVID era. As may of us are confined to our homes, this has proven to be a tumultuous time for victims who are forced to share a space with their abusers. This was especially true for me this year, as I ended a 9 year relationship due to these circumstances. Unfortunately I have experienced domestic abuse first hand. Emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically. It is important to note that, I do not consider myself a victim of this experience. My encounter with abuse is actually the driving force behind creating my company Dela Femme Beauty, my passion for the healing arts and drive to empower our community. However, to say that the affects have all had a positive turnaround, would be dishonest. Living through domestic abuse affects your self-esteem, how you view relationships, as well as the way you organize your thoughts and prioritize daily functions. Overall, the trauma can leave you out of sorts on every level. Reconfiguring my sense of self has been a long and enduring process. Creating creative outlets and helping others is truly a healing act for me, and hopefully for you as well. My goal is to create more awareness surrounding this topic, so that young men and women will know when they have entered a danger zone. I Believe the ultimate flex is creating new norms, that we won't need to spend our lives healing from. Hopefully I can help someone dodge a bullet as we discuss the " 5 Sneaky Signs of Domestic Abuse".
Needs Constant Isolated Attention
Does your partner display clingy and possessive tendencies? This could be a red flag. Healthy relationships require a healthy balance. If your partner expresses displeasure when you are putting your attention elsewhere, this could speak to their need for control and power within the relationship. Have they waged war on your friends, family, hobbies, or even cell phone. If your partner has a need for your constant isolated attention, this is definitely worth a serious conversation.
Leverages Your Past
Looking back on my own experience,I recall a time early in our relationship when my partner attempted to dig up any dirt that he could find on me, only to hold it against me. It as if he thought that I was too good to be true, so he went looking for my flaws. Super weird, right? As we all know if you look hard enough, you're bound to find something in anything. As he did, creating an elaborate synopsis of acts that I allegedly committed to justify his jealous and controlling behavior. It's the oldest trick in the book, break them down early, make them too weak to leave. Any relationship that is stuck on the past is not built to last. If you and your partner are unable to overcome hardship, then your relationship may cause more harm than help.Especially if your partner has the intention to torment you.
I have a saying that helps me differentiate constructive criticism, from a "Hater". It goes as such, " if your critique doesn't come with a suggestion,you're just talking sh*t." Maintaining close relationships with anyone who primarily has negative things to say about you, is detrimental to your mental health. Especially if you are being intimate with that person. We bare our truest selves to our partners, insecurities and all. It can be incredibly damaging to your self esteem to share yourself with someone who is committed to exclusively seeing whats wrong with you.
Plays The Victim
A person who refuses to admit when they are wrong is dangerous. If your partner is the " Woe is me" King or Queen, you may want to consider this as a red flag. When someone refuses to take accountability for their actions, it silently places the blame on you. It's okay to be the bigger person sometimes, but making it a habit is not healthy for either of the parties involved. Rejecting accountability inadvertently rejects the possibility of growth and changed behavior. Abusers know this. Often using this tactic to their advantage, as a tool to keep their victims disempowered.
Constant Need for Conflict
Social hierarchy is primarily prominent during times of conflict. Abusers display a constant need for control and power. This explains why conflict is an abusers playground. It creates the perfect stage for them to obtain control and power over the situation. Often through lies, manipulation, and in extreme cases physical dominance. If you find yourself in constant conflict with your partner, with no resolve in sight; you could be playing into their never ending game.
Domestic Abuse Hotline
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to condemn or criminalize anyone who displays any of the above mentioned behaviors. This article is intended to bring awareness to behaviors that could potentially lead to more serious matters. Please use your own discretion. As for those who are in physical danger due to a domestic violence situation, please give the following hotline a call for assistance. My prayers are with you !
Coordinated Victims Assistance Center
2400 S Dixie Hwy, Miami, FL 33133